Defying Gravity

Everyone has heard the expression “what goes up must come down” and being a science teacher, I know all about Newton’s laws and Einstein’s theories.   Being in baseball, I know that it is much more than law or theory; it is reality.  Anyone who follows an athlete’s career from draft day to retiring can also confirm this. 

While some guys shoot straight to the top, it is much more common to slowly climb, move up and down, or bounce from team to team.  In Steven’s career he’s been moved up for temporary reasons (like to be an extra arm in a playoff run) but most of the time when moves are made there is no timeline.  It is easy to get caught up in the excitement of reaching the next level but at some point reality sets in and you realize that you can just as easily be moved back down.  Of course the flip side of that is that you can also called up and get that shot at the big leagues.  Every performance becomes so critical and sometimes its really just about doing the right thing in the right place at the right time.  Baseball is so circumstantial and fickle.  It plays with your emotions and more importantly; it plays with your life.

Recently Steven went through a slump and I found myself fixated on the idea that we’d be headed back to Tennessee.  Steven had warned me not to “ride the rollercoaster” when he was moved up to Tacoma but without really even realizing it, I had.  It took a lot of prayers and kind words from friends and family to ease my mind.  I had to remember that Steven had given his career to God and while I might pray for 1-2-3 innings, that just might not be His plan. I had to remember back to early in the season when someone told Steven to think of himself as a flower and grow wherever he is planted….even if we’re replanted in Jackson.

Once I was able to give in and stop worrying, Steven had a great outing.   I reflected on the whole experience and realized I would need to keep things in check if I was going to survive this lifestyle.   I would have to accept that we would have some great moments but possibly some not so great ones because our goal was to defy gravity…to go up and stay up, and then go up even higher. 

Moving Up

I had started to write a blog about being settled in Jackson as the first half of the season wrapped when we found out that Steven was called up to AAA Tacoma.  Baseball life at its finest!  I still want to mention some of what I had intended to write but obviously this post has taken a whole different turn.

I arrived in Tennessee after a three-day drive from Arizona.  Mira and I dealt with some carsickness and less than fancy hotels, but we made it!  With the car unpacked and the apartment looking more like home, Mira and I found some great walking places and were able to relax.  I started working in the ticket office at the field and attending a local church where I also helped out with vacation bible school.  I planned a fun camping trip with atv-ing and horse riding for the All-Star break.  Jackson didn’t seem so bad and I was pretty comfortable.  That should’ve been a sign that everything was about to change. 

When Steven was told he was being promoted I was waiting in the parking lot after a game.  I was excited and proud, but also completely overwhelmed.  We had 6 hours to get as much of his stuff packed as possible and come up with a plan.  Jackson to Tacoma is a 35 hour drive and I knew it wasn’t a task I felt comfortable taking on by myself.  We had thought this call up might happen, just not now.  A promotion is always a blessing and always the goal so I tried to keep that in mind as I began to run through possible plans with Steven over Steak N Shake.

If you’ve been reading my blog then you know I have really tried to completely trust my life to God and have 100% faith that He will provide and take care of Steven and I.   This has been a great opportunity for me to do just that.  In the last 24 hours I can’t even explain to you how things have come together so perfectly.  Friends and family have stepped in to help us out and one of the church members opened their house to me here until I am able to fully move to Tacoma.   I found that I went from being overwhelmed to being able to just be joyful.

I will be the first one to say that I have definitely insulted God’s power with my worries and anxiety in the past but this time I have let it go.  It has been my prayer that God will continue to lead us and that I will trust it all to come together in His perfect way.   I have to tell you though that as I prayed for God to help Steven and I with this transition I started to feel it was extremely petty.  For the last week a couple in our baseball and PAO family has been dealing with a very scary situation involving their 2 year old son.  His heart stopped beating and he was dead, only to be resuscitated.   This morning as I prayed for God to continue to provide, I just had to stop.  I know God hears all prayers and can help us all but I just had to tell him to focus his efforts on little Copeland.  I know that both Copeland and his family can use all of the prayers possible so I encourage you to read more about their story and lift them up in prayer (http://willlaurenstartup.blogspot.com/). 

Copeland’s story has been a reminder to me that life is so much bigger than baseball; a reminder that God can use both positive and negative situations to draw us closer to Him.  Whether we stay in AAA, move back down, or find ourselves in the big leagues, all we can do is continue to trust in Him to provide for us.  We could not be more thankful for all of the blessings we have received and all of the ways God has shown how faithful He is to us. 

Not For Sale

Since the PAO conference in November, Steven and I have taken a very different view on many aspects of our lives.  One that has changed drastically is baseball.  It is a job but it isn’t a job that just anyone can do.  God has blessed Steven with an amazing talent and we both realized it was time to start using that talent for more than income.

Earlier this spring Steven and I were introduced to a group called Not For Sale.  We became aware of them at about the same time that the KONY 2012 campaign went viral so it seemed fitting to get involved.  NFS uses athlete’s abilities to raise money and encourages fan and critics to get involved as well.  I started thinking; let’s just pretend Steven threw 1,000 strikeouts a season.  I would GLADLY write a $1000 check for that.  Why not pay forward God’s blessings?  We decided to donate money for every strikeout and inning and of course will up the ante when a move to the big leagues is made.

If you are able to join our efforts this season and make a donation we would appreciate it.  It can be based on Steven’s stats or a one-time donation, anything helps.   Ideally we will be able to encourage other Mariner’s and athletes in general to join us so look for your other favorite athletes as well!

Our page....donate here!

For Better or Worse

I haven’t blogged in a while so this post is definitely overdue.  I’m going to give myself a break since school and wedding planning have consumed my life.  Not to mention listening to nightly baseball games and attempting to get back in to running.  It seems like I constantly have something to do, which is good because it has helped the time away from Steven pass relatively painlessly.  The last two months have also brought the start of a new show, “Don’t be Tardy for the Wedding”.  Those of you who know me know that I have few vices.  I don’t smoke or gamble, and rarely drink or curse, but Mt. Dew and the “Housewives” tv shows get me every time.

Kim, the star of the show, is going over vows one day and starts in on the “in sickness and health, richer or poorer” and stops because she says she doesn’t like negativity in her vows.  I get what she is saying; who wants to think about the bad things that life might bring on such a happy day.  The truth is though, life can bring some hard times and one of the blessings on a marriage is that you will have a partner to help you through.  I mean, that is kind of the point of those vows; letting the other person know that you will always be there for them.   

I know every life and marriage has the possibility of things going wrong but I have to wonder how many people really believe any of it will happen.  Two of my friends got married in the last year, both teachers.  Did either of them think about what would happen if he broke his leg and was done working for the year?  If he got fired?  If he was forced to teach across the country?  I doubt it.  Those things don’t happen in most careers.  I think instead couples embrace marriage and accept that there could be a few bumps along the way. 

There are a few situations where the negativity in those vows is especially important and a baseball marriage is one.  I can guarantee there will be bad calls, bad games, bad fans, bad road trips, and even bad teammates.  There will be injury, minor or career ending, and there will be trades, releases, and who knows what else.  Baseball has provided us with some situations that have been testing of us individually and as a couple and will continue to do so.  

The thing about the vows is though that once they are said, there is no turning back.  There is no “the distance isn’t working” or “the measly minor league salary isn’t enough”.  You know getting in to it that the negativity in those vows is a reality and you’re going to be there and be his biggest fan anyway.  There are many people who will be around for the success and the good times, but I think it’s important to say, up front, I’ll be there when you can’t get out of the first inning, I’ll be there if you have a surgery and need a nurse, I’ll be there if we spend our savings chasing the dream and end up broke.  Of course I’ll be there for his MLB debut, when he signs a big deal, and has a jersey retired, but I think we all already know that.  What we really need to hear is the first part, the reassurance, that no matter what, we have someone to turn to. 

I have no idea when or where Steven and I will end up saying “I do” but I do know that when the time comes he can count on me to say every line.

Back to School

A few weeks ago I was approached about taking a job as a substitute teacher for the remainder of the school year. The job was going to be 7^th grade Social Studies at the school I resigned from last year. At first I didn’t really know what to think. It seemed exciting to picture myself back in the classroom, working with the people I loved so much last year. The challenge of teaching a new subject area also provided some allure but then it hit me, remainder of the school year means end of May. End of May means into the baseball season. Into the baseball season means staying behind while Steven plays….and that’s just the start of it. Then there was the reality that I would be the third teacher these kids had had this year, not to mention the reputation this group had. All of a sudden that excitement turned in to fear. I found myself not wanting to go and clinging to the idea that I would leave in April and travel with Steven. I knew this was something I needed to pray about and there was a reason I was given this opportunity.

As the days went on I started to realize that God was answering my previous prayers and this was something I absolutely needed to do. I realized what an honor it was that my former administration and co-workers thought I would be able to handle this position and create the classroom environment necessary for the students to be successful. I thought about my New Year’s resolution to do better and give more and knew I had to do it.

Luckily I was able to find someone who was willing to rent me a room for a few months and allow Mira too. At that point, I officially accepted the job and spent the last week preparing my classroom and myself for Monday when the kids are back in school.

I’m sure that in no way will this be easy and I’m sure there will be times when I wish I would’ve just gone with Steven but I know there is definitely something to be gained from this. Plus, who can turn down a few more months of sunshine?!

Its Always Sunny in Peoria

Now that Steven and I have been living in Arizona for a month I thought it was probably time to get everyone up to speed, especially before Spring Training officially kicks off and things get crazy!

We drove from Wisconsin down here with stops in Kansas and New Mexico. The drive went well and Mira was great both in the car, and in the hotel. Steven did most of the driving but we didn’t pull any 16 hour days like we did on our way to North Carolina. We pulled in to our driveway in Peoria, AZ on Feburary 1^st and were joined by our roommate James the weekend.

The past month has gone by pretty quickly. The boys stay busy with baseball and video games and I’ve expanded my cooking repertoire. While they are “working” at the field I have stayed busy tutoring 5 nights a week and babysit for a few different families on occasion. Hopefully I will start doing some substitute teaching soon as well.

This past month has allowed us the chance to really slow down and enjoy life. For example, we get to eat lunch AND dinner together every day, which definitely won’t happen during the season. We’ve been able to have a house tennis tournament (that ended when I beat both of the boys) and Mira gets a long around the neighborhood regularly. We’ve had friends over for the Super Bowl and to grill out. I’ve been able to catch up with old friends and climbed South Mountain last weekend for the American Cancer Society. We’ve been able to attend church every weekend and even hang out with friends from other teams. Soon Steven will be starting a Bible study with his teammates and I am joining a neighborhood group through our church to do some community service.

It really is almost always sunny in Peoria. Mira is in dog heaven and with a pool in our backyard, I’m in my personal heaven as well. It is very easy to feel blessed here and see all of the good God has put in our lives. I see this time as the calm before the storm and hope when the craziness of the season starts I can remember these moments. After all, the next blog could easily be “Its Always Rainy in Tacoma” or “Its Always Humid in Jackson”….with baseball you just never know!

On the Road Again

It's that time of the year again. The time when football is wrapping up and preparations for Spring Training are in full force. This year Steven and I will be traveling down to Arizona early (in about a week) so he can workout and throw in weather about -2 degrees! The packing and planning has been taking place since December when the hunt for housing began. We were lucky enough to find a great place at a reasonable price and even found one of his teammates to live with us. We've all spent plenty of time together both during the season and this offseason so I am very excited about all of it. My parent's house has been our storage unit for the offseason so they will finally be getting some space back. It seems like we've spent the entire offseason preparing for this, yet not really wanting it to come...or maybe that was just me.

I know that we're both ready for the warm weather, seeing old friends and teammates, and of course a pay check! I know that Steven is ready to get back on the mound and ready for a breakout season. I know that no one promised that at any point this lifestyle and I don't expect it to get an easier in the big leagues. I know this is exactly what I signed up for when I started dating him, but that doesn't make it any easier. I read a blog earlier today written by a baseball wife about how it makes her feel when people tell her what a hard life it is. “Thank you for your concern. It really is hard. I panic sometimes thinking about how our lives are at the mercy of so many factors that are out of our control it’s terrifying. And I worry everyday about having enough money to do all the things we’ve both dreamed of. And I even get sick some days wondering how we can raise the family we want with a life like this. And my eyes water at the thought of ever having to say another long goodbye. And I’m scared about how to make the best decisions when we don’t know what will happen to us in five months, let alone five years. But, you know, I came into this relationship with my eyes wide open. And somewhere along this road filled with the fear and the unknown and the trials, I decided my husband and our relationship was worth all of it. So, as naïve as it may sound, I am positive that as long as we’re together we’ll always be okay. And when you believe that, the hard just doesn’t really matter too much.”

Let me tell you, those comments don't make it any less hard for any of us. I don't know if the intention is to seem sympathetic or maybe to make us second guess ourselves, but either way, it doesn't go over well. I've had those exact thoughts, and I'm sure most women in baseball or professional sports in general have too. The thing is though that we can't change the lifestyle and the alternative is finding a new significant other. Some women eventually choose the latter but for me, that is not an option. So guess what, I decided that I don't want it to be easy. If it was easy, I would have no appreciation for the good things when they come our way. If it was easy, I wouldn't have this common bond with other baseball wives and girlfriends that others can't relate to. If it was easy, I wouldn't be as proud as I am that we have made it this far. In A League of Their Own Tom Hanks says to Geena Davis "If it wasn't hard everyone would do it. It's the hard that makes it great". You know what? He's right. If it wasn't hard, every girl that met a baseball player would walk down the aisle and live happily ever after, there would be nothing great about it. The difficulties we face test our commitment to each other and to chasing the dream. At the end of the day knowing that it has been hard but we're still together and going strong, makes it worth it, makes it great.

So in that spirit…

“I can't wait to get on the road again. On the road again goin' places that I've never been. Seein' things that I may never see again and I can't wait to get on the road again. On the road again like a band of gypsies we go down the highway. We're the best of friends, insisting that the world keep turning our way and our way is on the road again.”

To Do More (Making Good on a Resolution)

It's that six letter word that has become all too common, yet no one wants to hear: cancer. These days, cancer has reached all of us in one way or another and it doesn't seem to be slowing down.

In 2007 my grandpa, Al Heisler, passed away after a battle with cancer. There are many things I remember about his battle but one that stands out is the sense of humor he had in his remaining days. At a time when he could've felt bad for himself and wanted pity from those around him, he chose to laugh and make others laugh. Cancer can be scary and uncomfortable and so many other terrible things that I think one of the best gifts he left me is that I remember him being funny, and not any of those other sad things. Of course I also remember what a supportive grandpa he was (along with my grandma Jeannine) showing up at basketball games, piano recitals, school plays...you name it. Not every kid grows up with all four grandparents around but I was lucky enough to spend my childhood surrounded. I also remember trips to his store where I always was able to find some type of treat or toy. I even remember going with him and my grandma to some type of flea market and I think I tried to sell a lady a fur coat! There were trips to Arizona and Mexico and family vacation in Black River Falls. Not only do I have great memories of my grandpa but I also have great respect for him. He was able to overcome so many things and make so much of his life that it would be impossible not to respect him.

When I first moved to Arizona in 2008, I met a fellow new teacher. He had taught in the district but was new to my school and was a fellow Midwest native. Clayton was a Vikings fan but a pretty good guy regardless and began dating my friend Emily. Eventually Emily became my roommate and I grew to know Clayton very well. He was diagnosed with cancer early and life but went in to remission. Cancer struck again, he battled, and came out victorious with the scars to prove it. Since being in remission again, he and Emily married and are expecting their first son in February.

I think about my young cousins and cousin's children and realize that they will not remember my grandpa as I do. Some won't even know him. I think about all of the other families that have lost loved ones and children who are left without fathers or mothers. It would be easy to think that cancer is as certain as taxes, something we all eventually succumb to, but I'm not ready for that. I don't want to think that every family will have to be negatively impacted by cancer. I don't want to think that for the rest of my life nearly 1.5 million people will hear "you have cancer" and have little hope.

This year I am once again participating in the American Cancer Society's Climb to Conquer Cancer in Arizona to honor my grandpa, to thank those who helped Clayton, and to give hope to the 1.5 million. Although I have done the hike before, I have decided to take an active part in fund raising for the American Cancer Society so that someday soon we can find a way to slow down cancer, and maybe even stop it. If you are able, I encourage all of you to join the American Cancer Society's efforts and help me and my team (Clayton's Crew) by clicking the link below. If you are unable, I encourage you to find out what the American Cancer Society is doing in your area and participate any way you can so we can help people stay well, get well, fight back, and find cures!

Click here to support me and the Climb to Conquer

New Year, New Chances

Steven and I spent the last 10 days in North Carolina visiting his family and friends for Christmas, his birthday, and New Year's Eve. The 16 hour drive went well thanks to Steven, who did most of the driving. Mira made the trip with us and did a much better job traveling than when I took her from Phoenix, AZ to Jackson, TN.

Time flew by in North Carolina and we seemed to always be up to something. We spend a few days after Christmas near Steven's college town (Elon) doing some hunting. It was my first time and I enjoyed it although I am definitely not the hunter Steven is. We saw a movie, had a bonfire, visited the French Broad Brewery, and ate many delicious meals with great company. Mira spent most of her time running around with the 3 dogs at the house. She loved having other pups around to wrestle and play with. It was hard to get her settled down at night but I know she had fun. As a Christmas gift from Steven's dad, I was able to spend a day at the Grove Park Inn Spa with Steven's aunt. I had never had a "spa day" and it had been a few years since I had a massage so I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. I think the highlight of Steven's trip was just being able to spend time around the people he cares about.

One bonus of our time in Asheville was that we were able to meet up with Steven's mom and her family a few times. They recently relocated back East and were in South and North Carolina for the holidays. We both enjoyed talking with them and spending time together, as well as meeting some friends of theirs. Who knows whether it will be baseball, the Packers, or a holiday that will bring us together again but we look forward to it!

Amidst all of the hustle and bustle was New Year's Eve. Earlier in our trip we saw the movie "New Year's Eve" and it made me think a little differently about my resolutions this year. Of course I have the standard type (give up drinking soda) but this year I also wanted to make one that would lead to bigger and better things. The movie says New Year's is all about getting another chance, "a chance to forgive, to do better, to do more, to give more, to love more." Everything we had heard at PAO resonated and it was clear that making the most of that chance must be my resolution.

In less than a month we will pack up and head to Arizona for another baseball season. From there, only God knows what will happen. Being the planner/organizer/maniac that I am, it worries me. However, I am learning that worry is useless and instead, I am resolving to make the most of whatever chances come my way. I look forward to embracing whatever we are confronted with and seeing it as a chance to make this year the best yet!